Callous Monster
EXT. DREAM ISLAND - AFTERNOON Delightful cleaner TEARDROP TEARDROP TEARDROP is arguing with helpful hairdresser WOODY WOODY WOODY. TEARDROP tries to hug WOODY but he shakes her off. TEARDROP Please Woody, don't leave me. WOODY I'm sorry Teardrop, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away. TEARDROP I am such a person! WOODY frowns. WOODY I'm sorry, Teardrop. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. WOODY leaves. TEARDROP sits down, looking defeated. Moments later, understanding psychiatrist LIY LIY LIY barges in looking flustered. TEARDROP Goodness, Liy! Is everything okay? LIY I'm afraid not. TEARDROP What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... LIY It's ... a monster ... I saw an evil monster punch a bunch of kittens! TEARDROP Defenseless kittens? LIY Yes, defenseless kittens! TEARDROP Bloomin' heck, Liy! We've got to do something. LIY I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. TEARDROP You can start by telling me where this happened. LIY I was... LIY fans herself and begins to wheeze. TEARDROP Focus Liy, focus! Where did it happen? LIY Elimination Centre! That's right - Elimination Centre! TEARDROP springs up and begins to run. EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS TEARDROP rushes along the street, followed by LIY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way. EXT. ELIMINATION CENTRE - SHORTLY AFTER PILLOW PILLOW a callous monster terrorises two kittens. TEARDROP, closely followed by LIY, rushes towards PILLOW, but suddenly stops in her tracks. LIY What is is? What's the matter? TEARDROP That's not just any old monster, that's Pillow Pillow! LIY Who's Pillow Pillow? TEARDROP Who's Pillow Pillow? Who's Pillow Pillow? Only the most callous monster in the universe! LIY Blinkin' knickers, Teardrop! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most callous monster in the universe! TEARDROP You can say that again. LIY Blinkin' knickers, Teardrop! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most callous monster in the universe! TEARDROP I'm going to need rainbows, lots of rainbows. Pillow turns and sees Teardrop and Liy. She grins an evil grin. PILLOW Teardrop Teardrop, we meet again. LIY You've met? TEARDROP Yes. It was a long, long time ago... EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME A young TEARDROP is sitting in a park listening to some trance music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her. She looks up and sees PILLOW. She takes off her headphones. PILLOW Would you like some white mice? TEARDROP's eyes light up, but then he studies PILLOW more closely, and looks uneasy. TEARDROP I don't know, you look kind of callous. PILLOW Me? No. I'm not callous. I'm the least callous monster in the world. TEARDROP Wait, you're a monster? TEARDROP runs away, screaming. EXT. ELIMINATION CENTRE - PRESENT DAY PILLOW You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. LIY (To TEARDROP) You ran away? TEARDROP (To LIY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? TEARDROP turns to PILLOW. TEARDROP I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! TEARDROP runs away. She turns back and shouts. TEARDROP I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rainbows. PILLOW I'm not scared of you. TEARDROP You should be. INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - LATER THAT DAY TEARDROP and LIY walk around searching for something. TEARDROP I feel sure I left my rainbows somewhere around here. LIY Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rainbows. TEARDROP You know nothing Liy Liy. LIY We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, PILLOW appears, holding a pair of rainbows. PILLOW Looking for something? LIY Crikey, Teardrop, she's got your rainbows. TEARDROP Tell me something I don't already know! LIY The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. TEARDROP I know that already! LIY I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed. PILLOW (appalled) Dude! While PILLOW is looking at LIY with disgust, TEARDROP lunges forward and grabs her deadly rainbows. He wields them, triumphantly. TEARDROP Prepare to die, you callous cauliflower! PILLOW No please! All I did was punch a bunch of kittens! WOODY enters, unseen by any of the others. TEARDROP I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those kittens were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Teardrop Teardrop defender of innocent kittens. PILLOW Don't hurt me! Please! TEARDROP Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rainbows on you right away! PILLOW Because Teardrop, I am your mother. TEARDROP looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself. TEARDROP No you're not! PILLOW Ah well, it had to be worth a try. PILLOW tries to grab the rainbows but TEARDROP dodges out of the way. TEARDROP Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, PILLOW slumps to the ground. LIY Did she just faint? TEARDROP I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rainbows. TEARDROP crouches over PILLOW's body. LIY Be careful, Teardrop. It could be a trick. TEARDROP No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Pillow Pillow is dead! TEARDROP What? TEARDROP Yes, it appears that I scared her to death. LIY claps her hands. LIY So your rainbows did save the day, after all. WOODY steps forward. WOODY Is it true? Did you kill the callous monster? TEARDROP Woody how long have you been...? WOODY puts his arm around TEARDROP. WOODY Long enough. TEARDROP Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Pillow Pillow. WOODY Then the kittens are safe? TEARDROP It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable kittens enter, looking relived. WOODY You are their hero. The kittens bow to TEARDROP. TEARDROP There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Pillow Pillow will never punch kittens ever again, is enough for me. WOODY You are humble as well as brave! One of the kittens passes TEARDROP a tinkling bell WOODY I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. TEARDROP I couldn't possibly. Pause. TEARDROP Well, if you insist. TEARDROP takes the bell. TEARDROP Thank you. The kittens bow their heads once more, and leave. TEARDROP turns to WOODY. TEARDROP Does this mean you want me back? WOODY Oh, Teardrop, of course I want you back! TEARDROP smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant. TEARDROP Well you can't have me. WOODY WHAT? TEARDROP You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. WOODY But... TEARDROP Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Liy. LIY grins. WOODY But... LIY You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! WOODY Teardrop? TEARDROP I'm sorry Woody, but I think you should skidaddle. WOODY leaves. LIY turns to TEARDROP. LIY Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? TEARDROP Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm. Suddenly LIY stops. LIY When I said I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the monster don't you? THE END Category:That just raises more questions! Category:Well, that was pointless. Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck Category:Crappypasta Category:Random Capitalization Category:Delusional retard that should be in an asylum Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT Category:Shok ending Category:Lost episudes Category:TELAVISHUN Category:Cliche Madness Category:The Title Is A Lie